7 Best Tips To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work
My long distance relationship with my husband started when we were dating and living together. My husband had to move to another state for work, which was planned for one year but ended up being three years.
The change came to us very suddenly and we had to wrap up our place with so many memories. Our apartment lease was up around that time and I was about to start a new job in two weeks, so we had a lot of changes all at once. It was a very difficult time for me emotionally because we had so many memories together in that place.
To be honest, I never expected to be comfortable with a long distance relationship. I had no idea what to anticipate. The good thing was that we were both super busy at our new jobs, so it got us through the first few months. We were busy settling in with our new jobs and it was fun sharing it with each other after work.
When the second year came around, it became more difficult to be apart. We made a lot of effort to stay connected. We talked every day and did everyday things together as much as we could with video calls.
When we look back, nothing much changed except for the part that we were physically apart. And I think that’s what made our three years of long-distance relationship successful.
I’m sharing some of the things that helped us feel connected and get through difficult times of being apart. Everyone and every relationship is unique, but I hope that some of these tips may help you and your partner to keep your long distance relationship happy and healthy until you get to stay together again.
Talk to each other every day
Face-to-face communication is crucial in long-distance relationships. True communication involves sharing feelings and understanding one another, verbally or via observation, which is difficult over the phone or by text.
We texted too, but we always did video calls, even for five minutes. Texting is a convenient way to communicate during work hours or while another person is busy, but it can’t accurately convey tone, emotion, facial expressions, and body language. The message can easily be misunderstood.
Talk at your usual time
Sometimes time differences can make things hard to talk to each other at a usual time. Take time to talk about the ideal time to talk to each other and make small adjustments to make time for each other regularly.
A little tip to make this possible: Get a phone stand that is comfortable for you to use for video calls. The key is to not get annoyed while talking to your partner on a video call and carrying out your daily routine at the same time.
Visit each other regularly
This is definitely not easy to do, but efforts count. Flying from one state to another over the weekend seem to be a waste of time and money. But what matter is that you plan it together and make it happen.
As for most people, I could only travel when I could take PTOs. The best way was to take Fridays or Mondays off so I could have a longer weekend. My husband had a little more flexibility where he could work-from-home once in a while, so he did most of the traveling.
It’s critical to communicate with each other to find the best solutions for both. It helps if you consider the living situations as one unit instead of two separate entities.
Travel Together
Traveling together to a third location was our attempt to maintain as much normalcy as possible. We didn’t consider the regular visit to see each other as a traveling together.
We sometimes planned a small road trip closer to his place or mine, or met at a third location to spend a weekend together exploring a new city.
Do The normal things together
Plan your daily video calls while carrying out your routines such as cooking, having a glass of wine, listening to music, or watching a Netflix show. This will help you keep up with your regular routines while talking to your partner.
Because of the time differences, we often talked while my husband was cooking dinner and I was having a glass of wine. It was actually fun watching him cook and talk about our days while sipping on my favorite wine.
Surprise each other
When in long distance relationship, it’s difficult to catch everything about your partner, such as if they’re feeling a little down today or stressed about something. It’s a good idea to pay more attention to each other when talking and see if you can do anything to help them feel better.
I didn’t just start a new job when we just started living apart, but it was a big career change. My husband knew I was exhausted after work, so he planned a little surprise event. While talking on a video call, I got a surprise delivery from my favorite local Italian restaurant. It was my favorite pasta dish with a delicious dessert. He stayed on while I enjoyed my pasta dinner and listened to all that stressed me out. It was the sweetest thing ever that I will never forget.
Try to be creative and do things together or for each other that you’ll normally do when you are together. You don’t have to go out of your way to make your partner feel good. The little things count, especially when you’re physically apart.
Talk about fun memories
Do you and your partner ever talk about the time when you first start dating? How about some fun memories together? If you don’t talk about these things on a regular basis, we recommend that you try.
As a matter of fact, one of our favorite pastimes is reminiscing about the day we met. We love talking about our first date at dinner or with a glass of wine.
For one thing, it’s a lot of fun to reminisce about the time when we were just getting to know one other. Two, it reminds us of the time we fell in love and the feelings we felt for each other.
Even though we’re revisiting the same event, each time is so unique because we get more comfortable expressing different levels of intimate feelings with one another. And these experiences helped us learn how to talk to each other when we face challenges and plan our future together.
But don’t take it just from us. According to the University of Siegen’s Mohammad Reza Majzoobi and Simon Forstmeier (2022), “Memories couples have about their ongoing marital relationship appear to be one of the decisive interpersonal variables in their close relationship.” They talk about how important previous memories may be in helping married couples grow and stay connected throughout their relationship.
